you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
