did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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