Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
