I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
