Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
