i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
