never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
