i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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