Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
