Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
