Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
