covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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