Say something about gay babies.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
