OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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