it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
