there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I AM VODKA MAN
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
