Moan for me like Helen Keller
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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