Christians are straight up FREAKS
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
