cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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