can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
