So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
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