C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
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