good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize