He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
