My girlfriend figured out who you are.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
