Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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