pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
