Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
