This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
