So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
