he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
