I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
