Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
