We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
