wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
