I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
