Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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