He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
