the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
