i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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