I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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