I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
