I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
