The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize