my being single is dangerous.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
