whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
