im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
