Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
