omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
