Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize