can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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