Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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