I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
