Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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