I don't think brook has ever known best
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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