Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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