It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
