I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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