nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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