Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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