I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
