I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
